Arrogance Will Get You Nowhere

Several years ago I was asked to lead a class at my church on grief. As part of the class, I had visitors from the Muslim and Jewish communities come on different nights and talk about how each of those traditions cares for those who are grieving. I love the way that care for those who are grieving is built into the regular worship at Jewish temples and synagogues and I thought we might could learn from this and other aspects of others' faith practices. Later I was criticized by one participant who said we didn't need those "foreigners" to come to our church to tell us anything.

Today I watched the ABC Documentary "Different Books, Common Word" that highlighted the dialogue between Baptists and Muslims in various parts of the United States. The program highlighted how several different people found themselves with the opportunity to interact with a person from another faith group and learned something about the common humanity of the other. So many times in church, I hear more of the "We are right and 'they' are wrong" kinds of rhetoric. Whether it is about religion, politics, race, gender or some other division, there seems to be a tendency to talk about those who are in and those who are out. Too often, what is called tolerance by such thinkers is the willingness to allow others the "right" to live life by their own cultural standards as long as "those people" know that "they" are in the minority and not in positions of power. There also seems to be an idea that if I truly enter a dialogue with someone who is different from me, I will have to give up something of who I am. This just simply is not true. In fact, dialogue that requires that a person give up a part of who they are lacks any potential for genuine connection. However, we do have to set aside our need to be right long enough to enter into the world of the other and try to see the world through their eyes.

This point has been portrayed beautifully in movies such as Dances with Wolves, The Last Samurai, and more recently, Avatar. If we just keep saying why we think we are right and why others or wrong, we never truly understand the other. (And this is true in world politics, marriages, and parenting.) In an encounter with another we may find something that changes us, or we may be reminded of why we believe as we do, but that cannot truly happen if we approach such conversations with arrogance. To a lesser extent, I have the privilege to practice this on a regular basis as I get to visit other congregations as part of my work. I have learned to appreciate the liturgy and practice of other Christian Churches. In each visit, I find things that I like and reasons to return to my own congregation. However, every encounter opens my eyes to new ways of doing things. For a couple of years I had regular lunches with my friend, A.J. Levine. A.J. is a Jewish woman who is also a professor of New Testament at Vanderbilt. I loved our conversations both about her faith and practice and her views on Christian faith and practice as she critiqued it through her studies of the New Testament. I have loved the rich conversations that I have had with those who are just across party lines from me or those that have different ethnic background. Each time I come away from a conversation with something I have learned and something that affirms a part of myself.

I do not understand the need to draw deep divides between people or those that express anger when they encounter views that are different than their own. In fact, if there is one place that I need to practice my own tolerance for others, it is for people who seem to demonstrate these types of rigid stances. As we learn what it is to love our neighbor as ourselves or as we truly try to embody the teachings of the "Good Samaritan", I think we have to learn to love - not tolerate or endure - others; others from different religions, countries, cultures, races and political parties. My life has been enriched as I try to overcome my own prejudices daily.

Service of Remembrance

Each of the candles in this photo represents the life of a loved one remembered at the annual "Service of Remembrance" at my church. Each person present at this service completed a card with the name of their remembered friend or family member prior to the service. During the service, each name is read and the family member(s) come forward and light one of these candles. As the next name is read, the candle-lighter passes a taper to the next family.

It is moving simply to hear the name of each person read. Some of the people named are people I knew and some are not, but as I looked into the faces of those lighting the candles and saw the interactions of friends and family members I felt connected the life that was honored. Some grieved with a grief that is fresh and raw and others with a grief that has been tempered with time. However, for each person, the holidays present an opportunity to connect with the memory and absence of the lost loved one. Though it was pointed out that we, as people of faith, do not grieve as those who have no hope, we do feel the physical absence of those we lose while we remain here.

It is interesting that even though I did not have a connection with all of those honored tonight, I could identify with the grief and loss experienced by their friends and family. As I allowed myself to connect with their grief, I was connected with my own losses (past and present). As a community of faith, we joined with one another in expressing grief. In doing so, we participated in a healing ritual that helped us deal with our losses.

For those of you who find the holidays to be a particularly difficult time of grieving, I offer my prayer for God's peace for you. May you find a place of healing and comfort.

Starbuck's Rant

If you were to ask me, I would tell you that I am not a coffee drinker. I don't like plain coffee. I don't regularly just drink a random cup of coffee. However, with enough milk and syrup in it, I really like a coffee-flavored beverage from Starbuck's. My favorite is a peppermint mocha. Several times a week I will go around the corner and order a "Grande, non-fat, no whip, peppermint mocha." Which, unfortunately, usually sets me back about $4. It used to be $4.32 until I learned about registered gift cards. With a registered gift card you could get your extra syrup free and just like that, my $4.32 became $4.

However, when the holidays rolled around, Starbucks offers a "Holiday" Peppermint Mocha that sells for $4.42 in the Grande size and your registered card doesn't get you nothin! Last year, I spent my days at Starbucks asking the cashier if they would not ring my drink as the "Holiday" version, but just as a Mocha with peppermint and "Presto" I got my syrups free. When the holidays rolled around this year, same issue. So, this year, I wrote to Starbuck's to say, "What's up with the added expense and no free syrup?" However, their response seems to have been to notify the stores to not ring holiday drinks any other way than as the holiday version. So now my $4 Grande costs me $4.42. This is just CRAZY to me.

There are new benefits coming in December for registered gift cards and I can't wait for those.

However, as I write this, I am reminded that there are literally MILLIONS of people in Africa alone that do not have clean water to drink and that those people must sometimes walk hours a day to get what water they have. This fact alone means that young women do not get education because they are carrying water all freakin' day.

So, I am not happier about my $4.42 Mocha, but it kind of keeps things in perspective for me.

Thought for the Day: Leaves in Fall

I was driving back from working out today and in a yard that was ahead of me I saw a magnificent maple tree that appeared to be glowing in florescent colors of red, orange, and yellow. The tree was stunning. As I drove by I looked at a few individual leaves and noted the color of each. The leaves in and of themselves were beautiful, but the collection of all of them together was what made the stunning image.

So, in this way, the Kingdom of God can be compared to a maple tree in fall. Each person is gifted and beautiful in and of themselves bearing the glory of God in themselves, but it is when we exist together that colors blend into a rich palate of vibrant color that is the Church. Therefore, let us bless the giftedness and uniqueness of our brothers and sisters and strive demonstrate God's love to on another. In so doing, we show the world the love of God.

[Jesus prayed] The glory which you have given me I have given to [my disciples], that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:22-23

Pastoral Care: It's Not About Me

In some circles these days there are discussions about who should be the focus of Pastoral Care. Military, hospital, and other chaplains (and Pastoral Counselors) have debated to what extent the religious views of the care giver should be expressed in care of the "care receiver." In the U.S. Navy there is controversy about a prayer offered for all of the crew of one vessel that was prayed "in Jesus' name." If the prayer was prayed on the behalf of ALL people, should the Christian chaplain pray in Jesus' name. In my training and experience, Pastoral Care is about me offering care the reflects the faith tradition of the person that to whom I am giving care. I had a moving experience today that reflects just this point.

I have been seeing an older person in therapy for several months that has been diagnosed with cancer. (Please excuse the cumbersome language avoiding pronouns in this piece, but I want to protect the identity of this person.) When I first met this person, they were not expected to live longer than 4 to 6 months and our sessions focused on preparing for death and issues of faith. The chemotherapy that this client has undergone has been successful in treating the cancer and this person is now a candidate for surgery and the chances of long-term survival is now better than 70%.

Almost every time I met with this person we talked about the fact that this person was never baptized by their family in the faith tradition in which they grew up. Since reaching adulthood, this person has had a personal sense of faith, but has not been connected with any one congregation. As this person has faced the possibility of death, the issue of not being baptized has been brought up as a matter of concern. We have spent several sessions discussing what their beliefs are about baptism and how it is related to salvation for them. We have discussed the historical traditions and meaning of baptism in those traditions. Each time we came to place where this person felt that something was missing from their life, but not being sure exactly how all the pieces fit together for them.

As we met today, we came to this same issue of baptism again. There was a greater sense of urgency than usual because this person is facing a potentially healing, but dangerous surgery. This person could not find peace in the possibility of death with uncertainty about eternity. This person could articulate faith, but felt incomplete. After a lengthy discussion and at this person's request, I agreed to perform a baptism in my office today.

As a Baptist, I do not believe that baptism saves anyone. I also believe that baptism should be done in the context of a community of faith. I believe that baptism by immersion is the appropriate (though not only acceptable) mode of baptism. However, after discussion today, I retrieved a bowl of water from the kitchen. I prayed with my client and then sprinkled in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. My client reported that they felt differently. They reported that they felt more relaxed and prepared for surgery and more connected with God.

I performed a religious activity that did not fit with my faith understanding in order to provide care for someone who found it meaningful. In the larger picture, I am not sure exactly what this baptism means, but I have no doubt that I provided good Pastoral Care today and I felt the presence of God in a mighty way. What a blessing.

What is human nature?

In several conversations this week, I was engaged with others about how our outlook on life, our view of God, and our view of human nature (among other things) affects the way we live our life. Tonight I watched the History Channel with different videos of the events of 9/11/01.

It was interesting to note that the events of 9/11 were an act of misguided religious fervor and hatred. There were those that certainly took advantage of these events and there were those who responded immediately with shouts and acts of hatred. However, there was story after story of people helping others, offering water, carrying others, and sacrificing themselves for others. It raises the question about whether human nature is good or bad.

There are those that insist that humans are flawed, bad, selfish, and evil and there are those that insist we are blessed with a spark of the divine that instills us with a capacity for selflessness, love, and kindness. So many times our theologies and our lives are built upon believing that humans are one or the other. Some emphasize the sin nature of humans and their brokenness, while others minimize the idea of sin and look at the human capacity for altruism. What we believe to be fundamentally true about humans affects how we approach relationship and interactions with others. It seems an odd thing on which to be polarized, and yet, there are divisions and conflict between people and churches that are based on this very split. The difficulty seems to be in our desire to reduce things to simple divisions of black or white, right or wrong, good or bad.

It seems more difficult for us to live with the tension of "both/and" in anything. In the end, people are not good or bad; they are good and bad. That Jesus needed to die for a broken people separated by God always meant to me that goodness was impossible without Jesus. I have learned from others that even broken people have the capability of goodness from time to time and I believe that God may even be present when people act in ways that are compatible with God's ways.

In the end, I was broken and sinful, but I am still broken and sinful. I am also blessed, gifted, and forgiven. It is not not that I WAS bad and now I am "good", but that I have a sinful nature and am in need of reconciliation with God on a daily basis while I am also trying to live out that love in the service of others. I struggle some days and I feel grounded in God's love others. My guess is, so do you. So, when I struggle, I will look to you for help, but take heart, when you struggle, I will do my best to bring the light in me to you.

Be Still and Know That I Am God (Psalm 46:10)

It is ironic that I have not had time to sit and write these thoughts recently. A few weeks ago, the sermon at church was on "Finding a Quiet Place" to be with God. We observed some ACTUAL silence in the service. I realized then how rarely I have actual silence in my life. There may be times that are somewhat quiet, but there are emails, facebook, voicemails and other distractions. I rarely accomplish actual mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual silence.

At a seminar a couple of weeks ago, oddly enough on how to utilize the internet and social media to reach people with the message of our non-profits, I learned just how "A.D.D." our culture is. I realized again just how many times a day we are bombarded with messages and how impatient we are as a society. During this class we watched the video clip again of Louis C.K. on the Conan show and I was reminded how much we take technology for granted and how immune we have become to the miraculous.

Then...I went on vacation. For the past few years our vacations have consisted of going to youth camp with the church youth or going on large family vacations with my whole extended family (which are nice in a different way), but this year, we went on a trip with just our four family members -Lynda, the girls, and me. We visited some colleges and then went to stay with my aunt and uncle at the beach for a few days, but it was so much more than that. We rode long hours in the car together and laughed. We ate meals together and talked and laughed. We shared thoughts, hopes, and ideas. We heard stories of our common ancestors and shared some of our lives as well. We played every day in the waves of the ocean, something that has long renewed all of our spirits. One day after body surfing and jumping waves until I could hardly stand, I went and laid on my towel and watched the clouds drift over the beach. Though there were people all around, there was a wonderful sense of peace in that moment as I wondered at the magnificence of the ocean and beauty of creation. I thanked God for the gift of my beautiful family and God's fabulous creation.

I am blessed that I don't have to go on vacation to have experiences like this with my family, but unfortunately I don't take the time to be mindful of the moment and things around me on a daily basis. It is in these moments of awareness and sense of gratitude that my soul is fed and I have a sense of peace. Here's to more silence, being still, and drawing closer to God.