My daughter is moving into her first unfurnished apartment
in a month. Among the things she needs
is a new bed. We went to a local store
on July 4 that was advertising a special sale.
We found the mattresses in this department store and began looking. Several beds were out of our price range and
some were just not comfortable. We found
two that were within $100 of each other that were both fairly comfortable. We just had one or two questions about the
beds to help my daughter make up her mind.
It was at this point, we were approached by an enthusiastic
salesman.
When he approached, he introduced himself. He told us about his history in selling mattresses
including his work at an unnamed (but strongly inferred) competitor down the
street. He then proceeded to tell us his
philosophy of sales and the need to always be honest about the product and the
sale. After this, he began talking about
the various ways that people pick a mattress – some starting from the price and
others from comfort. He asked my daughter
if she slept on her back, side, or front in order to help him determine the
best mattress for her. All the while, he
still did not know what WE needed or what questions we had and he had not
addressed our most burning need. I
interjected with our needs and our previous exploration before he arrived. We then learned that though we wanted to just
load up a mattress into my truck that this was not an option. It would HAVE to be delivered…and delivery is
not free. If we purchased a certain bed
frame, the delivery would be free and we did need a bed frame. However, it became clear that we were not
going to get the bed for the advertised price and we would not be able to leave
with it that day. So, we left with no
bed and decided to “examine our options”.
We thanked “Mr. Enthusiasm” for his time.
When were in the car, my daughter talked about how
frustrating that whole experience had been.
She said, “I didn’t need him to tell me his whole philosophy of sales, I
just needed him to ‘do’ his philosophy of sales.” I immediately thought about how many times in
my life that sentence could be applicable.
I thought about my counseling career.
In the early years as I was trying to figure out who I was a therapist,
I would often try to tell clients about my primary theory or method. (UGH!
Just the thought of having done that makes me cringe now.) Sure some people care, but most do not. They just want to know if you can help. They want to know if they will be
understood. If I cannot demonstrate that
I care and that I am listening then whatever my theory may be, it is
worthless.
As I reflected, I thought about some Christians I know. When they enter into the world – work,
school, clubs, etc. – it is very important for them to let people know what
they believe. “You need to know that I
am a Christian and because of that I will not do X or I believe Y.” It seems very important for them to be clear
about their theory of faith and Christianity.
However, most people don’t care. In
fact, the others may now want to distance themselves from you because they don’t
feel you can relate to them or worse, you will judge them. What most people care about is how you
interact with them. They notice if you
care. They notice if you listen. They
will notice if you offer love and caring.
Most people don’t need to hear your theory of Christian life; they just
need to have you live it.
Like the over-enthusiastic mattress salesman, too often
people may leave an encounter with a Christian not feeling heard or understood. They may not leave with anything more than
what they had when they entered the conversation because we have not taken the
time to meet them where they are. The
mattress salesman assumed he knew what we needed, but we never got what we
needed. A person may not need to yet know everything
about our history and beliefs. They may
just need to know if we can answer their two questions. Will
you listen? Do you care?
