St. Paul’s Episcopal Church
Franklin, Tennessee
August 9, 2015
Chris O’Rear, M.Div.,
M.M.F.T.
25 So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not make room for the devil. 28 Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. 29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up,[a] as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. 31 Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, 32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.[b] 5 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, 2 and live in love, as Christ loved us[c] and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
My grandfather was a sales manager at Broadway Chevrolet in
Louisville, Kentucky. When I was a
teenager, he told me once that other sales people would sometimes stretch the
truth to get a sale, but he said that he never told a lie to anyone to get someone
to buy a car because he never wanted to have to remember which lie he told to
which person. He said it was just easier
to adopt a policy of honesty even if that sometime meant he didn’t get a
sale.
 | |
| My grandaddy, Herman Butler |
I don’t have excessive memories of conversations with my
grandfather, but that was one of the few things that I remember from conversations
with him. Our reading from Ephesians
this morning would certainly seem to advocate for us to be honest with one
another. …Putting away falsehood, let all
of us speak the truth to our neighbors.
Speaking the truth to our neighbors has another connotation,
however. This passage does not say “Tell
the Truth to our neighbors”. I don’t
know about you, but for me, “Speaking the truth” has both a positive and
negative connotation. In both the
positive and the negative, the phrase seems to talk about speaking plainly
about how we see things or declaring the truth as we understand it.
On the positive side, we have people who speak to those in
power about the abuse of power or about the systemic discrimination that can
creep into our culture. We see those
that take personal risk to blow the whistle on corruption or abuse in business
or government. We hear those that chant
“Black Lives Matter” and while it is true that ALL lives matter, we would not
need to chant about black lives unless there were at least the perception that
black lives are less valuable and, therefore, more readily taken. When we speak to such things, we believe that
we are speaking truth and it takes courage to speak out about such things.
But “Speaking the truth” also has a negative
connotation. In our culture today where
people are sorted into various groups based on their beliefs or thoughts and
discourse is reduced to a sound bite that we hope to get into the media,
speaking the truth has almost become synonymous with saying whatever we want to
say about another person in the name of “just being honest”. Politicians seem more interested in labeling
or insulting their rivals than talking about the issues because it gets them
more media coverage, but the insults are wrapped in a veneer of false truth and
overly emotional opinions are declared as if they are scientific truth. In the end, a lot of hurtful things get said
and not much ever gets done.
If we had to guess, the passage from Ephesians is probably
advocating something more like the former way of speaking truth than the latter. We could have a wonderful discussion about
what Truth is if we wanted too… and we would be here until next Sunday and
would still not be able to have definitive answer. With the rise of postmodern thought, it has
become more difficult to find a definition of “Truth” (with a capital “T”) that
everyone can agree on. Truth has become
more subjective and defined within a particular context and does not usually
have universal implications.
The writer of Ephesians is believed to be the Apostle Paul
(or a protégé of his). While addressed
to the church at Ephesus, it is generally accepted as a writing that was
circulated among many churches. So, this
message was not just for a particular people, but for all, including us.
Paul is not trying to answer the existential question of
what Truth is, but is speaking more to a quality of life and way of
community. In the verses before our
reading this morning, Paul argues that being a follower of Christ should
distinguish a person in some way. A
person who is a follower of Christ should be transformed in their way of
thinking and behaving. Paul says that as
a follower of Christ and a believer, we should be renewed in our minds and our
spirits and we should be noticeably different because we are re-made in the
likeness and holiness of God.
Then Paul transitions to our reading today which begins with,
“So then”. If we are to be transformed
in our mind, we should put away all falsehood.
The idea of falsehood, then, seems to be more about who we are than
about who others are. I don’t know when
it happened, but probably a long time ago, but church became a place where
people dressed up and went to church to lie to each other about how good their
lives are. Instead of being a place
where we talk about our struggles, we act as if we have it all together. Instead of a place where we encourage others
who are having a difficult time, church has become a place where we sometime
talk about each other behind our backs.
(I am saying this today here because I know these things never happen
here and we can talk about THOSE people in the churches down the street.)
If, as Paul suggests, we are to have a renewing of heart and
spirit, then to put away all falsehood is to be realistic about who we have
been. It is to be open about our desire
and struggle to live into the calling we have from God. Church should be a place where we find acceptance
and encouragement; where we pray for one another and support one another. We should encourage one another to drop the
falsehood and celebrate openness and honesty about the reality of our lives.
Paul does suggest that we should speak the truth to our
neighbors, however. And there may be
some times when this is necessary. When
a brother or sister has hurt us with their words or actions. When we see another person on a path of
self-destruction. When people ask us for
help in their spiritual walk and development, there is a place for
honesty.
This does not mean that we can just go around telling people
what is wrong with them or how we think they need to change. In order to have the conversations I think
Paul is suggesting that we need to have a relationship. We need to remember to put aside any of our
own falsehood. NONE of us (not one) can
enter into a conversation with another about their struggles in a meaningful
way unless we keep in mind that we are also someone who struggles. We have all
received the same grace and we have all been in need of the same
salvation. If we keep that in mind, the
nature of our conversation is much different than when we assume that we are
somehow better than the person with whom we are speaking.
If we have love for our neighbor and do not think of
ourselves as better than them, then we can, with love, say to someone that they
hurt our feelings. You can tell another
person that you are concerned about their drinking. You can even give honest feedback to others
about how you experience them:
·
Lauryn Lax
was a 23yo graduate student at Belmont
·
Struggled
with anorexia.
·
She ate
very little food and worked our hours a day.
·
She had
been hospitalized previously, but had fallen again into her old ways.
·
She
weighed 79lbs.
·
Some
friends and others who knew her at the Green Hills YMCA decided something had
to be done.
·
They
contacted her father through social media and then this group of friends and
strangers surrounded Lauryn when she came to the Y and forced her to go the
hospital.
·
She spent
3 days in the ICU and was in the cardiac care unit for 3 weeks because her
heart had slowed so much.
·
She was
hospitalized for her anorexia and at last report was a healthy weight,
graduated school and had plans to help others who struggled with body-image
issues.
Though Lauryn had prayed that very morning that God would
help her change her ways, she was on her way back to the Y for the same workout
she had been doing. She needed something
to help her break that cycle. She needed
someone to provide care for her when she was not able to care for herself. Ultimately, she would learn how to be
responsible for herself and her own care. She had to be honest about her
situation and honest about what she needed.
She needed some people who would not just be honest with her, but who
would take the time to show care for her.
Owning our own personality and how that affects those around us is also
a part of “putting aside” falsehood. We
cannot pretend that we are something we are not. We have to learn to deal with life and
ourselves as they are.
When we live life this way, there is sometimes an
opportunity for conflict. Our honest
feelings or beliefs about something may be different from someone else’s. In the early church, there were conflicts –
and not just about the color of the carpet.
They had big disagreements about the nature God and the person of Jesus
and whether or not you had be circumcised to be in the church. Different groups had different ideas of the
Truth about who God is and who Jesus is – Not easy things to resolve. So, speaking honestly means that there is an
opportunity for conflict.
Paul says sometimes you will be angry, but do not let that
anger lead you to place of hatred. He
suggests that evil can creep in when anger is allowed to fester inside us. We see this illustrated so well in the Star
Wars movies. As Anakin Skywalker is on
his path to become Darth Vader, he becomes more and more overcome with fear and
anger, the anger festers into hatred, and ultimately the evil lord teaches
Anakin to use his anger to tap into the “dark side” of the force. Later Luke will face the same invitation to
give into anger and accept the dark side.
We face that same struggle on a regular basis. If we let our anger go without trying to work
things out. If we let it fester in us,
it destroys our ability to live our own lives to the fullest, it destroys our
relationships with others, and it erodes our community. It leads us on path to the cold and dark side
of life.
For this reason, Paul says don’t let the Sun go down on your
anger. Some couples I have known have
tried to take this literally, by trying to talk things out before they go to
bed when they are angry. I really think
that Paul is just suggesting that we not let time pass on our anger. We need to seek to work things out. Working things out means that we need to be
honest about own part in how things went wrong.
It means being honest about how we understood (or misunderstood) what
the other was saying. It means that we
seek the truth of what is trying to be communicated. These kinds of conversations seem to more and
more rare as people post up on opposite sides of significant issues and throw
insults and barbed quips at those on the other side of the issue.
Paul says that the things we say to each other and about
each other should be free of wrath and anger.
In our dealings with one another, we should seek to be kind,
tenderhearted and forgiving. Paul says
that the things that come out of mouths should be intended to build up one
another and not tear down others.
This is not a commandment to be sugary and fake, but the
opening sentence is that we put away all falsehood. We cannot be sugary sweet and bless each
other’s hearts if we are trying to be honest with one another.
In the 12-step traditions, they have an encouragement for
“Rigorous Honesty”. Rigorous honesty
means delving deeply into understanding ourselves and dealing honestly with
what we find there. It means being
vulnerable enough to share that with another person. It also means that when the time is
appropriate and with love, we speak the truth to others. One of our newest employees, Clint Hamm,wrote recently in a blog post:
If I can’t be honest
about my shortcomings, my mistakes, my dark tendencies and thoughts, or,
equally, my hopes, dreams, and desires, I cannot
expect to make progress toward greater mental, emotional, relational, or spiritual health.
expect to make progress toward greater mental, emotional, relational, or spiritual health.
Rigorous honesty is required for our personal growth and the
health of our community – not just in our church community, but in the larger
community. It starts with you.
