Bears Will Be Bears

While a bear from the wild may be captured to live in a zoo or such place and a wild bear may be trained to ride a bike in the circus, for the most part, wild bears do what wild bears do.  Several years ago, while trying to emphasize a point about how to deal with some types of difficult people, I began to pick on bears.  I could have easily picked on some other animal, but the bears were an easy target.  I have sometimes heard horrible stories about how a bear somewhere had attacked an innocent hiker.  More frequently we hear stories of how a bear somewhere entered a campground and ate all the campers’ food.  Bears, being bears, do not judge the ethics of their actions.  If you get too close to a mama bear’s cub, she will attack to protect her baby.  If a bear is hungry, it will seek out food and eat whatever is most convenient.  The bear does not judge a camper’s goodness or badness.  The bear does not care how hard it was for the camper to haul the food to the camp site.   The bear is just doing what the bear does.  The first time that a bear eats a camper’s food, the camper may be angry with the bear, but once it has been established that bears are present and that bears will eat your food, one can hardly be angry with the bear if the bear does this again.  This is why campers often have to hang their food in trees or put their food in a boat on a lake away from the camp site.  Bears will do what bears do.  There is nothing that will make the bear change its behavior, so, the camper must change how he manages the camp site and the food.

Like the camper, many of us have people in our lives that do things that hurt or annoy us.  There are people that continually try to rob of the good things in our lives.  Our first instinct is to take these behaviors personally and wonder why we have been singled out.  We may feel anger at the person and may even make attempts to change their terrible ways.  However, if we begin to think of them as bears, we realize that these problematic people are not doing these things “to us” because they do these things to everyone; it is just their nature.  We do not have to take it personally because it is not personal.  The bear is just doing what bears do.  The bear’s behavior is not a judgment on us because the bear is not taking our value into account at all.  Just as campers must find ways to protect their food from the bear’s attacks, we must find ways to alter our ways when we encounter the “bears” in our lives.  There is not one universal way for dealing with “bears”.   Often the way we need to respond is dependent on our situation.  In some cases, doing whatever the equivalent of hanging our food in a tree is sufficient to protect us from the bear’s attack.  However, as some of clients have pointed out, there are times when the bears are so persistent that not camping in those areas at all may be necessary.  One client once heard me talk about the bears and told me that the “bears” in her life had completely ruined “camping” for her altogether.  In this metaphor, we must assume that not “camping” is not an option.  We cannot allow the actions of some bears to ruin our experience in the great outdoors.  We cannot let others rob us of the joy of living.  I know sometimes it feels like we should just avoid every situation where there might be bears, but the reality is that bears are everywhere.  (I saw a news story this week of bears wrestling in a backyard in Florida.  Who knew there were bears in Florida?).  We cannot change the bears, but we sure can change how we relate to them.  The bears in our lives can be crafty and sometimes can trick us into letting our guard down, but when we do, we must look at ourselves and how we were deceived and not at the bear because the deception may be in the “bear’s” nature.  If we are picking on bears, then I would say that we cannot avoid every single animal simply because there are bears in the world.  Not all animals act like the bears.  However, all the animals have their own way of relating.  Some of those animals can be quite docile and affectionate. 

Most of us have some “bears” in our lives.  Some bears live in our own homes with us and some are people at work, school, or church.  Sometimes figuring out the emotional equivalent of “hanging your food in a tree” can be tricky, but it can usually be done.  “Leaving the woods” or never “camping” are rarely the best options.   If you are having difficulty with a “bear” in your life, a good therapist might be helpful.  A good trustworthy friend can often be helpful as well.  Just remember that bears will be bears and you can learn to co-exist with them.  Happy Camping.

The Wild God

I first encountered this reading when I was in training 15 years ago.  I have kept a copy ever since.   I shared it this morning with the Executive Peer Circle Group I am a part of this year. 

The Wild God

From The Art of the Psychotherapist  

By

James F.T. Bugental, Ph.D.

They have said that God is dead, and it may be so, But I believe that the God who is dead is the god in the cage, the zoo god.  We thought to contain the zoo god by our definitions, our interpretations, our inventions of “divine laws.”  The god whom we captured and domesticated in our intellectual zoo of exotic concepts, that god has not thrived in captivity, and that god has died.

But the wild god, the god that cannot be captured by our wills or our intellects – the wild god who will not be domesticated – is alive and free as ever.  He moves in the wind.  She sings in the silences of the desert. It nourishes us in the sun.

The wild god is more than the god of evolution; the wild god breathes revolution as well. The zoo god could not take us by surprise; we visited him at our convenience and chiefly as children.  The zoo god could not upset the comfortable routines of our lives, and he seemed - until he died – to require little feeding with anything that mattered.

Not to be so trained is the wild god, who may overturn everything as he comes into our lives.  She may demand all we have as It devours our complacency and requires us to change violently, totally, frighteningly.

[Paul] Tillich called the wild god, “the God above god.”  The wild god is the god of mystery.  And mystery is a world too seldom found in psychological writing or psychotherapeutic discourses.  We deny mystery; we pretend it exists in the minds of children, authors, and mystics.  And we deceive and blind ourselves when we do so. 

The wild god comes upon us in ways we cannot predict and in forms we do not expect.  The wild god may come disguised as a frightened and withdrawn client who awaits release to show a rich, poetic creativity.  The wild god may be the client who baffles us, frustrates us, and forces us to think freshly about aspects of our work which had felt solid and dependable.  The wild god may work through our own restlessness and irritability to forces us to confront long-denied inner conflicts.  The wild god shakes the ground under our feet, obscures the path we follow, and makes us aware we dwell in cages that we have constructed and that we call “reality”…

If we seek the wild god, we must go out into the world, out into the dangers and opportunities, go without a map, without a compass, without enough food, protection, anything.  And as we seek the wild god, we may be captured by him.  For mystery comprehends us; we do not comprehend it. (pp. 272-274)

A Man to Admire: Dr. John Ishee

I learned this week that Dr. John Ishee died last Saturday, May 26.  This was very sad, but not unexpected news.  John had been a part-time counselor at the Pastoral Counseling Centers of Tennessee (PCCT)  for a couple of years after he retired as the Director of Pastoral Care at Cumberland Heights treatment center.   I had heard of John for years before I first met him.  I first met him personally when I went through the family program at Cumberland Heights while working for the Alcohol and Drug Council of Middle Tennessee.   I had read two of John’s books and was honored to finally meet him.  John was a kind and humble person.  He had an unassuming style, but was strong and courageous.   I wish I had known him better than I did, but what I knew made him a person to admire for me.  John had a passion for his work and he gave of himself to help those that he encountered.  In addition to the education and counseling he did at Cumberland Heights, he also lead their worship services in the chapel each Sunday morning.  Before Cumber Heights built their new “Chapel-torium”, the services in the old chapel had to be broadcast on closed-circuit T.V. to other rooms at Cumberland Heights that were used for overflow.  John not only talked about God’s grace, but he embodied it.  Even when talking about people or things that were difficult, John had a way of being loving and kind. 

John was a deep thinking, a thoughtful and caring person who embodied grace and love in his interactions with others.   He was the kind of person that when I spent time with him, I always came away feeling that I had so much room to grow.  However, after spending time with John, I never came away feeling bad about myself in any way because John embodied such a caring and encouraging spirit.  Each encounter with him was truly a breath of fresh air in an otherwise cluttered and stifling day. 

When John was preparing to retire from Cumberland Heights he approached me about working at PCCT.  Though John had training and 24 years of experience in Pastoral ministry and counseling, he was not a licensed counselor.  We agreed that he would come to work for PCCT part-time and we would provide him with supervision.  If he got the hours he needed for licensure before he was ready to retire again, then he could apply for a license, but if not, then he would be able to provide care for people legally.  Somehow, I had the feeling that those who were in supervision group with John would learn more from him than he would learn from the group, but John never said that.  John always talked about what a blessing it was to work with us and to be in the Supervision group.  That just seemed to reflect the genuine humility with which John lived his life. 

John left PCCT on medical leave about a year ago after being diagnosed with cancer.  I tried to keep up with him and called him from time to time.  Each time I called he would tell me of his latest treatments for cancer, but he also knew that he would probably not survive his illness.  I thought it was just like him to be thinking about how to care for others after he was gone.  He said that he wanted to be sure that gifts given in his honor would either go to the endowment fund at Cumberland Heights or the Pastoral Counseling Centers of Tennessee.  There many people that I can learn from in this world, but there have been just a few that I would want to emulate.  John Ishee was that kind of man for me.  He was a blessing to so many and he will be missed in this world.  I pray God’s peace and comfort for John’s wife, Myra, and the rest of his family.

Psychotherapy: Empathic Failures, Great & Small

There is no fun in psychiatry. If you try to get fun out of it, you pay a considerable price for your unjustifiable optimism. ~ Harry Stack Sullivan

            Despite the quote above, Harry Stack Sullivan seems to have a great deal of optimism about the human condition.  He does not believe that our emotional lives are fixed in the first few years of our lives, but created in every moment of our lives.  That is hopeful.  As a therapist, my goal is to enter into relationship with people, join them in that journey of their life, and hopefully help co-create a new reality.  There is nothing more meaningful and humbling than when this occurs.   Sullivan is also the person that points out that as therapists, part of the therapeutic process is recovering from a series of empathic failures on our part as we attempt to connect with our clients. 

            From the moment when the client enters our office for the first time, we attempt to get to know them and their situation.    We try to not overwhelm them by spending too much time on the intake paperwork.  We try to communicate our best understanding of what the client is dealing with and what he or she may be feeling.  In subsequent sessions, we sometimes forget small details of the client’s story and that may feel like a failure to the client who wants to be understood and remembered.  At times, we may presuppose a client is feeling one thing and not be attuned enough to them to realize that they feel something else.  These little failures on the part of the therapist can create small set-backs in the therapeutic process, but Sullivan suggests that the process of therapy is the recovery of the therapeutic relationship from such failures.  I am not an expert in Sullivan’s theory of Interpersonal Psychiatry, but I would imagine that when we begin to recover from such empathic failures in therapy, it helps us to be better equipped to deal with them outside of therapy and even be more tolerant when they occur.  Life is full of little disappointments and the ability to not define any relationship by those moments seems critical to the survival of relationships and authentic happiness.

            Then there are those OTHER moments.  From time to time, our emotional reactions or our misjudgments as therapists result in us having a huge lapse in empathy and completely missing our clients.  In 15 years of doing therapy, my experience has been that after my early years of training, these larger lapses in empathy were fairly rare.  When they occur, however, they often result in clients leaving therapy altogether.  This is one of the most difficult things to deal with as a therapist.  There are some therapists who tend to blame their clients for “lack of readiness to enter therapy” and there may be times when that is true, but as therapists we have to admit that sometimes we mess up.  I am not talking about the gross misuse of a client or horrible bending of the therapeutic boundaries, but the failure to connect with our clients in way that is meaningful. (The client may be fully justified in leaving, especially if the miss is egregious or happens a number of times.)  Many times these types of failures occur when we, as therapists, fail to keep our own emotions and relational “baggage” out of the therapy with another person.  Therapy is about the person in front of us and not about us.  A good therapist must have gone through some process (like their own therapy or another self-reflective experience) to maximize his or her ability to avoid these big empathic misses. 

            Each empathic miss, large or small, becomes an opportunity to learn.  It is a chance to learn more about our clients and more about ourselves.  The therapeutic process at its best is an interaction of two people for the benefit of one of them.  The therapeutic process is co-created by therapist and client and it is the therapist who needs to always be mindful of the process and tending to the client.  We are obviously not perfect at this.  Some are obviously better than others (and some are really bad), but the good therapist recognizes these failures, seeks supervision, does the hard work of introspection, and continues to seek to be better.  Our clients help us and help themselves when they realize that there is a process and that the process is co-created.  Conversation and connection create the holy space for both of us.

Tennessee Has Professional Standards for Pastoral Counselors

I have watched with sadness as the accusations have emerged against Bishop Joseph Walker at the Mt. Zion Baptist Church.  The veracity of these allegations will hopefully be proven in time, but Bishop Walker is not the first to be accused of such abuse of their position.  What makes this sad to me is that the majority of congregational leaders who seek to offer guidance and comfort to their parishioners do so with honor and integrity.  The religious leaders of all faiths seek to meet those in their care at a point of need with the resources of their experience, education, and faith training.  In many cases, these faith resources and the care of the Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi are sufficient to help the care recipient resolve their issues.  However, most religious leaders who have professional training have received only one or two classes in pastoral care and/or counseling.  When the problems that are presented to the congregational leader exceed his or her training, there are many mental health resources to which they may refer, however, Tennessee is one of a few states that has a specific license for Pastoral Counselors.  In Tennessee, these professionals are called Clinical Pastoral Therapists and like the majority of clergy in the congregation, these licensed men and women are trained in theology, church history, and biblical studies.  However, unlike many in the local congregation, these Pastoral Therapists have additional education, experience, and supervision that prepare them to deal with more advanced issues of mental illness, mood disorders, partner relationship problems, and other struggles.

 

Clinical Pastoral Therapists must have graduate level training in Theology, usually a Master of Divinity, and graduate level training in counseling or psychology. In addition to these degrees, Pastoral counselors licensed by the state or who have achieved Fellow level membership in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors (AAPC) have additional training in personal formation and clinical work as well as supervision of their clinical work equal to or greater than other mental health providers in Tennessee.  Many Pastoral Therapists in Tennessee are also ordained in their faith tradition.  These theologically trained mental health providers must abide by the ethical standards of their professional organization and must answer to the state of Tennessee for violations of their code of conduct.  Pastoral Therapists are also required to have annual continuing education and most operate with consultation available from peers or other mental health disciplines.  Those who practice in this way are not perfect and some have been accused of abusing their power, however, there are layers of legal and professional accountability that help prevent such abuses; accountability and guidelines that are sometimes absent for those providing counseling in local congregations.

Again, I would say that the majority of spiritual leaders offering care and counseling as part of their ministry in local congregations do so with honor and integrity.  Most people who need assistance would prefer to seek that assistance from someone who understands and respects their faith tradition, but those who are seeking help should also know the education and experience of the person that they approach for help.  They should not be afraid to ask about training, credentials, and license.  In Tennessee it is perfectly legal and acceptable for a member of the clergy to offer care and counseling as part of his or her role in the local congregation, but in those times when someone might desire a religious professional who has more training in counseling and relationships, I would recommend the services of Licensed Clinical Pastoral Therapist. 

Come With Me, I Want You To See Something (Sermon)

(Click the link above to hear audio of this sermon)

Come With Me, I Want You To See Something

Mark 2:2-9

Chris O’Rear, M.Div., M.M.F.T.

St. Paul’s Episcopal Church

Franklin, Tennessee

February 19, 2012

The story of Jesus’ transfiguration is one of the more debated stories in the Gospels.  Many have questioned whether these events occurred as they were described or if there are embellishments that were added later.  Some have questioned the timeline of the events and when they might have actually occurred.  Others have questioned whether these events occurred at all.  Though I am not a biblical academic, I will observe that the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke each contain a version of this story and, while there are subtle differences in the re-telling in each Gospel, the content seems consistent.  We take as a matter of faith the events of the Gospel, but the Gospel writers have included this story for a purpose and I want us to understand what that purpose might be.

As I imagined this story this week, I kept thinking of how the events of this day might have begun:  One day, Jesus got up from sleep and as he ate breakfast with his disciples, he said to Peter, James, and John, “I want you all to come with me today.  I have something I think you gonna want to see.”  We know that there were 12 disciples, so I am wondering…how did the other 9 feel about not being asked to go.  Why did the other 9 disciples not get asked to go?  I wonder how they might have felt as Jesus only took the 3 chosen disciples and left them wherever they were doing whatever they were doing.  Did they feel left out?

  At one point in my training, I was working 3 different jobs and was struggling to make ends meet and barely providing for my family. I had a conversation with a woman at her elegant house… as I was delivering a pizza to her door.  Her husband had just purchased a brand new Harley-Davidson motorcycle and was driving the bike around the neighborhood.  With envy, I commented that the bike was beautiful and the woman said, “Well, God has really blessed us this year.”  I have heard others, like you may have, describe how while Christmas shopping, they were so busy shopping and so in need of good parking space and they prayed that God would provide them a space and sure enough, one opened up just as they arrived.  Are these people really chosen and blessed by God while others of us are left to struggle?  Does God really care about parking spaces, motorcycles…or touchdowns for that matter?  For those that have struggled in their life, we sometimes wonder if we are forgotten or if God cares for us at all.

We are confronted with the question about why Jesus chose only Peter, James, and John.  Was it because Peter, James, and John had more spiritual maturity?  Were they Jesus’ favorites?  Did Jesus even have favorites?  If we look further at the Gospel, it certainly might look this way.  In Mark 5, Jesus heals the daughter of a man named Jairus.  As he goes into see the sick girl, the Bible says that he allowed no one to follow him except…guess who…Yep, Peter, James, and John.  It might seem that these three were the chosen ones, but we also see that these three seem to struggle more with the idea that Jesus was not going to be an earthly king with a kingdom and power, but a servant king whose power was in serving others.  At one point, as Jesus described the suffering he would go though, Peter pulled him aside and began to correct him and criticize him for saying such things.  James and John were brothers and they went to Jesus asking if when he came into his kingdom, the two of them could sit one on his right side and one on his left.  Jesus only commented that they did not know what they were asking for.  The Gospel says that the other 10 apostles were indignant that they would ask Jesus for such a favor.  While the other disciples may not have understood it at the time, Jesus seems to have selected these three because they were having the most difficulty grasping the reality of who Jesus was and why he had come.

It seems that again and again in the Gospels that Jesus seems to know what people need when he encounters them.  So many times in the stories of the Gospels, Jesus seems to give each person he encounters just what they need to experience.  When Jesus met the woman at the well, he knew just what to say to her to make a connection with her.   When Jesus was confronted by the group of men who had taken the woman caught in adultery, he knew just what to say to them.   Last week’s Gospel reading included the story of Jesus healing the leper with a touch.  The leper who had lived outside of the community and away from others for so long, Jesus seemed to know that the physical touch would bring healing not just to his body, but to his soul.  In the same way, perhaps Jesus selected these 3 disciples because they most needed to see and hear what was going to happen that day.

What exactly did happen that day?  Whatever it was, it seems to have been for the benefit of the 3 disciples.  They are the focus of the story.  They observe what happens.  They attempt to understand it.  And God speaks directly to them.  It is hard for us to comprehend exactly what happened that day.  We are told that Jesus was “transfigured” in front of them – his face was changed and his clothes became whiter than any TV. spokesperson in a commercial for bleach could even imagine.  For some reason, as I read this passage this week, I kept thinking of Charlton Heston as Moses in “The Ten Commandments” when he came down from the mountain after his meeting with God and his beard was different, his hair was different and he seemed to have an aura that surrounded him.  I guess that is the closest I could come to imagining what happened to Jesus in this story. 

Jesus was joined in the story by Moses and Elijah.  In Luke we are told a bit about what they talked about, but Mark seems satisfied just to note their presence.  If for no other reason, there is significance in Elijah and Moses meeting with Jesus because of who they are.  Moses represented God’s revelation through the Law (the commandments) and Elijah represented God’s revelation through the Prophets.  In this meeting, it is implied that Jesus is the revelation of God in a new way to a new generation.  Peter, James, and John are overwhelmed by what they see and we are told they were afraid.  Peter, who is notoriously impulsive, immediately says that they should build a tent for Jesus,  a tent for Elijah, and a tent for Moses and it is implied in this that they should all just stay there.  Mark is forgiving of Peter’s impulsivity by saying, “Peter just said that because they were so afraid and nobody knew what to say.”  However, Peter’s response seems pretty normal to me for the experience.

Have you ever had an experience of the holiness of God and just wanted to stay there.  Some of you may remember the experiences on the mission trip or at a summer camp.  Some of you  have had  those moments in your life when you feel particularly close to God – at the birth of a child, in a special time of worship, while hiking in the mountains or visiting at the beach.  In those moments, you don’t want to leave.  You may think, as Peter does, let’s just build a house  here and stay.  Those experiences of spiritual highs can be powerful, but if we are not careful, they can be fleeting.  In those moments, we feel so close to God and so connected with those around us, but then we return to the “real world” with school, work, traffic, and all the terrible things in the news and those feelings can begin to fade.  We lose the focus until the next event that makes us feel close to God.  Peter was so excited to be where he was that he just wanted to stay…but they could not stay.  They heard the voice of God say of Jesus, “This is my son.  Listen to him.”  To listen in this context is not just to hear the words, but let them seep into the fabric of our being and affect our life and our actions.  To listen, in this context, is about taking the teachings of Jesus to heart and letting them transform us.  I found an interesting fact this week in my studies.

In the book of Romans (12:2), Paul writes the following: 

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

The word “Transformed” in this passage is used two other times in the New Testament.  In 2Corinthians, it is also translated as “transformed”, but in the Gospel of Mark, it is translated as “Transfigured”.  The word for Jesus being transfigured is the same word that is used to talk about the transformation that should occur in the believer’s life.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

“That which is good and acceptable and perfect” comes from the teachings of Jesus, the life of Jesus, and the example of Jesus.  We are to “Listen” to this, to emulate this, to be transformed into this.  Sometimes we are frightened when we grasp the magnitude of what we are asked to do.  Sometimes we are at a loss of what to do or how to live this out.  I don’t know, God may really care about parking spaces and touchdowns, but the life and words of Jesus would indicate he loves those that are hurting and those in need.  The life of Jesus would indicate that we should seek to meet people where they are and seek to provide them with what they need.  The teachings of Jesus tell us that those who seek to save their life, will lose it and those that try to be first will be last.  Jesus’ teaching turns the world as we know it upside down.  Power is not in ruling like a king, but serving like a servant.  Jesus has invited you to see his life and his place in history.  The voice of God beckons us to listen.  Can you hear?  What will you do?