"Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14( NRSV)
Several years ago I attended the funeral of friend. During the funeral several people from my friend’s life were able to share their reflections about the man that he was. Each person knew my friend in a different area of his life – work, family, etc. Without exception, each person described my friend in exactly the same way. They talked about his kind heart, his religious faith, his friendship, and his sense of humor among other wonderful traits. I was struck by the fact that it did not matter which part of his life was being talked about, he was described in exactly the same way. I wondered if people in every area of my life would be able to do the same for me. I wondered what I would need to change now so that when I die, people would be able to say those kinds of things about me. This experience was just one in line of events that have shaped me in the last 15 years, but one that I return to in my thoughts again and again.
At the time of this event, I realized that I took some relationships for granted and tended to let my guard down a bit when I was with certain people. I could be irritable or short with those people while I tried harder not to be with others. During the last decade, I have sought to try to be the same person in every area of my life. Those that know me know that can count on honest and direct feedback from me, but that I also try to demonstrate love and care in what I do. The odd thing about seeking to live life this way is that I am very aware of every time that I fail. Whether it is being impatient with one of kids or a stranger in traffic, I immediately know that I have fallen short of my ideal. I know that I fall short because I constantly hold the ideal for myself.
Because my life has been so profoundly affected by experiences of the unconditional love of God, which has become the highest good for me; seeking to love God because of the love God has shown to me and seeking to love others as I have been loved. Having an overarching goal for life means that when I encounter an event, encounter a person, or a problem, I try to figure out how to live out the goal in that moment. Again, there are so many times that I fail, but I keep on trying. Some that I know struggle because they set unrealistic goals for themselves or they get bogged down in self-criticism when they fail. The beautiful thing about God’s grace is that it means that when we take a misstep, we can simply adjust our stride and just take our next step in the direction we want to go. There are some missteps that have consequences that we must live with, but God walks with us through those and can help us learn from those if we are open to that.
As the country song says, I want to live my life so “The preacher won’t have to lie when I die.” I don’t want others to have to lie either. I also want the satisfaction that I have done the best that I can. Even though I fail every day, I never want to lose sight of where I want to be and where I want to go. Don’t know what brought this to my mind today, but was reflecting on it this morning and just wanted to get it out.
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