What Do We Deserve?

“What’s comin’ will come an’ we’ll meet it when it does.” ~Hagrid (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

I have written earlier posts about the loss of our house in 2010 and the lessons learned then.  You can read that here.

After the gracious generosity of friends and my mom allowed us a place to live for almost nine months after we lost our home in 2010, we moved into the condominium that we have been in for the past 4 ½ years.  Life after homeownership has not been bad.  Our landlords have been friendly and helpful.  We have plenty of space.  We learned through the loss of our house that home is where we are and not a place.  We never thought we would own another home and so we continued to be a family in the place that we were. 

We recently became aware that it might be possible for us to own another home.  We were also aware that our landlords eventually wanted to sell the condo we lived in and so we looked at our options.  We were shocked to learn that there was a way for us to own another home and the process moved more quickly than we first expected.  Now, we have a contract on a house that we like and if all goes well, we expect to be moved in by the end of September. 

What has been interesting to us is our own reaction when we have heard friends and family that know us and our story say, “You all deserve this”.   We certainly understand what they mean and the comment is in no way offensive, but we are very much aware that this not how we feel.  We know that there are those that feel so bad about themselves that when good opportunities come along they can miss them because they don’t feel like they “deserve” such things.  That is not really how we feel (maybe a little.)  What we have talked about is that our belief about such things is not built on the mentality that we deserve…anything. 

Through the loss of our house, we learned a number of lessons about God’s provision.  We learned that God is with us in hardship and often takes the form of friends, neighbors, and family.  We learned that in the midst of difficulty there are blessings to be had.  We do not, however, believe that God damaged our house beyond repair SO THAT we would learn these things.  We discovered these things in the midst of difficulty as God was at work in the midst of the difficulty. 

We, as humans, have a desire to make meaning of suffering and we have a desire for there to be justice.  We want the bad things we go through to have some purpose.  We also seem to have a desire that the cosmic scales are balanced.  When someone shoots up a movie theater or a church, there is often a call for that person to receive the death penalty.  Someone must pay.  Likewise, we may wonder why a good person we know or a hard-working person we know does not have more “luck” or prosperity.  We feel like bad things should happen to bad people and good things should happen to good people. The lament about why this is not true is as old as the Psalms.  

There are those who see the difficulty around them and say that God is doing this to them so that they can be refined into the person that God desires.  There are those that shake their fists at God because the difficulty they have does not seem fair and they question “Why?”  There are those that experience difficulty and wonder what they did to deserve God’s punishment (or correction). 

As I read the Bible, what I see is that bad things happen in life.  The rains fall on the righteous and the unrighteous and the sun shines on the same (Matthew 5:45).  In a recent study of Job, I was reminded that Job and his friends looked for a cause for Job’s suffering.  Job cried out to God and was angry with God.  In the end, God demonstrates patience with Job's questions and responds to Job and God works to accomplish all that God can accomplish for Job.  When Job accepts his place before God, his attitude is changed. 

I should say that sometimes I have suffered greatly because I have made poor decisions and bad choices.  God has allowed me to do that and God has allowed the consequences.  Sometimes I learn from those experiences, but I do not feel I should blame God that I suffer the natural consequences of my poor decisions.  However, there are times when I “should” suffer consequences and there is a reprieve.  In those rare moments I am grateful for a taste of grace. 

In the years of doing counseling, what I have seen is that those that do better in life are those that are able to accept life as it comes.  Those who cannot grieve and adapt to change continue to struggle and suffer.  Those who continue to expect life to be different than it is or are frustrated that life has not turned out as they planned are often tortured.  There is peace in accepting the consequences of our choices, grieving what will not be, and accepting the changes life brings.  Likewise, when we enter into life without strong expectations of what should be, then we can more appreciate what is. 

None of us is all good and none of us is all bad.  We are all imperfect (Romans 3:23), but we are all chosen by God (Ephesians1:4).  Suffering is not because of our evil nature, but because the world is an imperfect place.   Life is suffering (John 16:33) but our confidence comes in knowing that God is at work always to do as much good as can be done.  If our confidence lies in God’s presence and love, then we can face what life brings knowing that while life may not be what we hoped, we will always find God’s care.  For we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and called according to God’s purpose (Romans 8:28).  All things are not good.  All people don’t find good, but God is at work always to help us find good when we seek God in the midst of struggles. 

So, I may pray for God to be at work in my friend’s life, but I trust God already is.  My prayer is that I can see God at work in the world, but more so that I might be an instrument of God’s work in the world.  We did not lose our house because of something we did.  We did not lose our house SO THAT God might teach a lesson, but we learned that in the midst of struggle God was there in ways that we could not imagine and ways we probably didn’t deserve.  Likewise, we are blessed when we are able to have a new home.  Not that we deserve that either, but we are grateful for the blessings that come in each new day and God’s faithful love for us in all circumstances. 

…for I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11b-13)