Pink Elephants with Purple Polka Dots and True Transformation

A friend recommended an article to me a couple of weeks ago entitled, “The Secret to Breaking Out of Our Most Destructive Habits” by Stephen Stosny.   I took issue with some of Dr. Stosny’s evaluations of cathartic experience, but I did agree with his assessment that the path to change involves more than an exploration of the past.  For me, the exploration of past experiences and facilitating cathartic experience is only meaningful if it leads to the opportunity for change and helps create an understanding of a path to change.  I appreciated that Dr. Stosny could talk about how continued focus on what is not desired actually reinforced the very thing that a person wished to be rid of.    The path to change then lies in a focus on what is desired and involves repeated attempts to practice new skills, new reactions and attitudes until the under-developed becomes second nature.  Though he talked about brain chemistry, I could affirm this reality both in my own therapy with clients and my own personal journey of change. 

In the same week, I read in Peter Rollin’s Book, Insurrection, thoughts on how the desire to observe an authority’s prohibition and the desire to transgress the prohibition can exist in the same mind.  Similar to Stosny (but not identical at all), Rollins describes how the focus on a prohibition actually can drive the very behavior that is prohibited.  As I reflected on the intersection of both of these writings, I began to think about Christianity and pink elephants with purple polka dots. 

For years, I have worked with clients who have rehearsed and ruminated over attitudes and behaviors that they wanted to change.  However, they only ruminated over how much they desired those things to change and how much they did not want those things in their minds.  Often times, the people have prayed that God would remove certain thoughts or feelings from them.  They have sought to be free from something in their life without really knowing what change would look like other than to be free form that which seems to hold them down. 

For some of these clients, I have asked them to close their eyes and clear their minds.  I tell them that I do not want them to think about anything…especially pink elephants with purple polka dots.  I repeat the admonition, “Do NOT think of anything, including pink elephants with purple polka dots”.  Facetiously, I will ask the client, “What is now on your mind?”  The answer is obviously pink elephants with purple polka dots.   My point is that even if we are thinking about it in the negative, when we focus our attention on what we do not want, we are still reinforcing those very thoughts in our head.  Instead, we work on figuring out what we would prefer to have in our heads instead. 

When I realize this as a path to true change, I realize what a poor job we have done in the church in helping people find real change even as we are trying to tell people “Good News”.  The Good News that we like to tell is that people are sinners; that we are born with a sinful nature, BUT God loves us anyway.  Not only does God love us anyway, but God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins.  Then we tell people that if we accept the gift of Jesus’ death on the cross, we are a new creature and we then should live differently.  To help people with this, we have created a list of things that Christians do not do and many times week after week we hear sermons about what we should not do and what we have to be careful of.  However, if we look at what actually brings about transformation in a person, then we realize that if we continually focus on how terrible and sinful we are, then the love of God DESPITE our failures only keeps us focused on our failure.  Likewise, the more we focus on what we should not do, the more we reinforce the desire to transgress the prohibition and the more we actually reinforce the behavior that is not desired. 

 The process of salvation then is worked out as we seek to live more and more as Christ did.  This is not defined by what we DON’T do (and not even so much by what we DO), but the attitude, outlook, and heart that is in us.  In Christ we are a new creature.  As Rollins writes, “In grace we are able to accept that we are accepted [Paul Tillich’s concept] and, in this very act of knowing we do not have to change, we discover the ability to change.  It is in experiencing the license of grace rather than the legalism of prohibition that real transformation becomes possible” (p. 106).

This concept is not a comfortable one for many because of fear.  What if we are truly free?  What if we do not condemn others for their “bad” behavior?  Aren’t they likely to continue in their “ungodly” ways?  While there are concepts of healthy community that would have us interact with one another around hurtful and self-destructive behaviors, it is radical acceptance of others that allows for the possibility of growth and transformation.  Many times what keeps us from this radical acceptance is fear, but we know that perfect love casts out fear (I John 4:18).   Our church communities have too often become places where we pretend to be perfect and talk about those who don’t live up to the standards we have created.  Instead our church communities should be places of encouragement where we are practicing the new attitudes and skills we want to live into and support and encourage each other when have setbacks knowing that we are all on the same journey towards the same destination.   The path of true transformation lies not rehearsing the pink elephants and purple polka dots of how terrible we are, but in encouraging one another on the path of being all that God intended us to be. 

Adam & Eve - Part 2

As noted in my previous post, whether one accepts a literal Adam & Eve in the creation account in Genesis, the story evokes something of a universal experience of humanity.  For me the story of Genesis lays the foundation for the rest of scripture and prepares us for an understanding of God’s intentions and work in the world.  

Because in Chapter 2 we see that Adam was created first many have made much of the fact that Adam was first.  I do not read too much into the fact that “the man” was created first.  It seems more significant that the relationship of God to humanity and humanity to the created order are established here.  It In Genesis 1:27 we read that God’s intent was to create male and female.  It was God’s intent to create male and female from the beginning and each was created in the image of God.  Eve was not an after-thought (although we might argue that she perfected creation).  The people were to be caretakers of the created world and were to live in perfect relationship with God and with each other.  It seems significant to me that at 2:25 says they were naked, but felt no shame.  God’s intent was that people live in perfect communion with God and with each other.  They were not ashamed and they were not afraid.  

While I have heard Jewish reflections on Chapter 3 of Genesis that do not include “a fall” and I can appreciate the thoughtfulness of such reflections, I am not convinced that the actions of Adam and Eve did not fundamentally change the nature of their relationship with God and with each other for the worse.  While many through the years have focused on Adam and Eve’s disobedience as the “sin” they committed, that observation, while fundamentally accurate, seems overly simplistic.  I think it is worthwhile to reflect on the fact that God created Adam and Eve with the capacity for rational reflection and the desire for knowledge.  It is this desire for knowledge that leads to the changes in their relationship with God and each other.  The reflection on freewill vs. determinism lies in this reality.  I will simply say that for me, people were created with the capacity to choose and this is fundamentally what makes true relationship and love possible.  I would argue that exercising freewill is not in and of itself sinful and that while God has the capacity to comprehend all possibilities at once and interact with possibilities as they unfold, God does not know our actual choice until we choose.

I find it interesting and humorous (in a sad way) to read how the choice in the garden regarding the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  While many have read this passage and put the blame of the fall on Eve (and subsequently have blamed women for a sins through the ages), Eve is actually the one who demonstrates the greatest thought in the interaction.  The woman has an extended interaction with the serpent regarding the fruit.  She evaluated the fruit on its usefulness as food and she desired the “wisdom” that could be gained by eating the fruit (3:6).  Adam, on the other hand, gets handed a piece of fruit by Eve and just eats it without any thought about what he is eating or what there is to gain or lose.  Eve desires wisdom, while Adam just starts consuming.  In this way, there is a “sin” in which they both ate the fruit that God said don’t eat, but they each have an individual sin that is bigger than that.  Eve desires wisdom, but does not consult with God in her reflections.  She ignores God’s words and seeks wisdom apart from God.  Adam seems to sin in his lack of thought at all.  He lacks any reflection on his actions and consumes without regard for the consequences.  The bottom line consequence is the same for each.

Once Adam and Eve had eaten the fruit, “Their eyes were opened” (3:7) and they realized they were naked.  Before this, they were naked and were not ashamed.  They did not fear one another, they were not embarrassed, and they were open and vulnerable.  Once they sin, they are no more vulnerable than they were before, but they are now aware of their vulnerability and the potential to be hurt.  They begin to blame one another and blame others for their decisions.  They immediately feel the need to cover themselves and they feel the feel the need to hide from God.  It seems that the relationship with others affects our relationship with God.  We also see that while we have knowledge of good and evil and it can lead to wisdom, it comes at a cost to us in our relationships with ourselves, others, and God.

When God puts Adam and Eve out of the garden and gives them consequences, God acknowledges that the knowledge of good and evil makes us like God, but notes that humans do not know how to exercise this knowledge with control.  The banishment from the garden and the subsequent struggles are provided by God to help Adam and Eve develop their knowledge into wisdom.  God demonstrates grace by providing covering for the two of them.  God cannot undo what they have done, but can provide for them and help shape them.  Our lifelong journey is one of seeking to connect with God, ourselves, and with each other.  We are to grow in wisdom and learn to use the knowledge we have as God would use it. 

Thinking about Sin

I have been attending Baptist churches since the day I was born. I have heard so many sermons that I can’t remember them all. Many of the sermons included some kind of formulation against living a sinful life. There have been attempts to define sin. There have been those who have graded sins and those that have rightly tried to level the playing field by recognizing that no sin is better or worse than another. The place that I become uncomfortable is when someone starts trying to list sins. They always have some verse from the Bible to back up whatever wrong-doing they are against today and they are convinced that God is on their side against that very thing. There are also those who reject any idea that sin is relative. They say things like, “If something is a ‘sin’ then it is a sin for all” or “Right is right and wrong is wrong.”

As a quick side note, I do find it interesting that ALL of the major world religions have some things in common that are considered “sin”. Even many non-religious people will say that something like “murder” is a sin. There seems to be something universal about one person taking the life of another that is particularly reprehensible. In broad terms, I think sin is something that interferes with our ability to be connected with God and others. Many or most Christians would say that any “sin” automatically alienates us from God. The problem is that so many people seem to have different lists of what is on that list and what is not. People have picked and chosen rules from the Levitical code of laws that suit them while rejecting others as culturally irrelevant. The problem is that different groups pick different sins.

For several years, I have been reflecting on the fact that Jesus summed up all of the law in two commandments that he called the greatest commandments. In Matthew 22: 36-40 Jesus quotes portions of Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18 and says, “'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' "This is the great and foremost commandment.”The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets." The entirety of my thoughts on this passage have been shared in lectures and workshops and will have their place some day. However, I will offer a summary.

The two most important things that a person can do are get their own relationship right with God and love others. Getting the relationship right with God is not about a one-time decision to accept Jesus’ gift of grace nor is it simply developing a list of things not to do so that God will be happy with you. Getting the relationship right with God is about acknowledging our own brokenness and failures, past and present, and acknowledging our own giftedness and potential. One helps us discover how to be involved in the world and the other helps us maintain humility with others. The part about loving others as yourself means that first we acknowledge the humanity of each person. We cannot simply see others as the divisive labels that we put on each other like Democrat, Republican, Christian, Jew, Black, White, Straight, Gay, Lost, or Saved, etc. Just because we know something about someone, does not mean that we know everything about someone. Each person is individual and each person is a…person with a story and feelings, and so on. If we are to love the other as ourselves, then we must want to hear the others’ story as much as we want others to hear ours. We must seek to understand others as much as we want to be understood. Beyond that, if we are to love others as we love ourselves, then we must help the other when they struggle with their brokenness and failures – not ridicule and attack. We must seek to help others discover the fullness of their potential and all that God created them to be.

Sin, for me, then becomes anything we do or think that denies our own brokenness and supposes superiority; it is the failure to acknowledge our own frailties and struggles. However, it is also whatever we do or think that keeps us from seeing the giftedness we have been given by God. When we treat ourselves like we don’t matter, we deny the God in whose image we are created. Likewise, sin against another is when take advantage of the vulnerability of the other or attack the frailty of the other. Sin against the other is denying the image of God that is in us all.

This can be stated in a positive in that we should seek to know ourselves fully, as God knows us. We should seek to see others as God sees them and to seek to embody the grace and love of God towards others. Too many times, sin is reduced to a list things we should not do, however, sin comes into full view for us when we set our hearts on offering love and grace to others; to treat them as fellow humans on the journey of life; and help them become all that they were created to be. How can we seek to harm another, take advantage of another, use another, or hate another when we are seeking to help them become all that God created them to be? And the same would be true of activities that affect us in our own relationship with God.

This reflection is why most sermons and lessons on “sin” seem so watered down and meaningless. When our purpose in life is more about relationships - with God and others – a simple list of do’s and don’ts seems so superficial.