Victory in Jesus Gets Me Everytime

(February 13, 2007 - Transferred from a previous blog spot.)

I grew up in a Baptist church. I have been in Baptist churches since infancy. I went to a Baptist college. I graduated from a Baptist Seminary. And that list goes on and on. However, I am not really proud these days to be identified with the Southern Baptists I grew up with. I don't see the historical Baptist principles in the Southern Baptist Convention anymore. For many years, I have strongly identified with the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship. There are many kindred historic Baptists there. However, as I have sought to live out my faith and demonstrate God's love to others, eventually limits of all structures seem to fail me. There is no one place that I can COMPLETELY say, "This is where I fit perfectly."

I have been on a journey for the last 10 to 12 years to really discern what I believe and it has been a journey of intellectual analysis, attempts to integrate my understanding of faith into a coherent set of thoughts that systematically runs through most areas of my life. I can now reasonably articulate what I believe. The way I talk about the specifics of what I believe makes some of my friends and family uncomfortable. I don't always fit in any nice little boxes. I feel comfortable in what I believe and that I don't perfectly fit with any group, especially Baptists.

HOWEVER, I have the most wonderful experience in church sometimes that transcends my capacity to analyze or rationalize. That is singing the old hymns. This past Sunday at church, we sang "Victory In Jesus". It is one of my favorites. As soon as we started singing, I felt tears welling up in my eyes and by the time we finished they were running down my face. This happens whenever we sing that song and a handful of others. I have no rational explanation for this. It is not the words, per se, that are causing this response. It is some experience of being with a body of people and singing the song that seems significant. I am instantaneously connected with the hundreds (maybe thousands) of times I have sung that song in churches since I was a child. I think of the very first church I ever attended and standing by my parents as they sang this song. I remember attending church with my grandparents (on both sides) and probably singing this song with them. I remember the church I attended in high school where I sang this song with friends. And on and on. I feel content and connected with the body of believers and with God. It is an emotional and spiritual experience that is beyond my ability to understand.

It is at those moments that I realize, I can analyze and theorize my faith understanding and try to get it into something coherent and understandable, but ultimately my relationship with God and my "faith" is something that transcends that in way that seeks out the very core of my existence and, without rational explanation, connects me with that which is greater than me. And it gets me every time. Thank God!